poker face

lala land and happy

current status... a mess.  unhappy with work.  unhappy at home.  unhappy in the head.  mostly, unhappy in the heart.  guess i'm not superman after all.  guess i can't have it all or do it all.  it makes me wonder what has happened?  i moved back home and found happiness in the comfort of my surroundings, my best friends and meeting a namja.  landed a cool job for a great concept.  friends visiting from la left and right.  everything was great.  then, everything that was great got to be too much.  and now the shit has hit the fan and its all crumbling down.  my head hurts.  constantly.  i don't like eating anymore.  i can't sleep.  i always have anxiety and feel restless.  my heart always feels like its beating at 50xs the speed it should be beating at.  hair is falling out.  and mostly, i'm unhappy.  i have my family and friends here but never have i felt so alone before.  in all my unhappiness, i can't even begin to describe how unhappy i feel and how lonely it feels for me right now.  i sound like a little bitch.  but hey!  sometimes you're allowed to be.  this rough patch in my life has taken me aback and i never saw it coming.  but hey, hey, hey... guess what this songs about...[sorry boa]  guess i gotta keep going on and make sure you can't read my, can't read my.. poker face

timing sucks.  i know that i like you.  i haven't felt this way in a while.  distance sucks.  this all sucks.  fuck beyonce!  if you like it then you should have put a ring on it.... well sometimes putting a ring on it takes time... that bitch!  whatever, if its meant to be... it'll happen one day.  all i can hope is that i don't get thrown into the "no need to talk to anymore" pile. 

sigh...